Between the frequently changing feeding patterns, cleaning up after messy diapers, and trying to decode the fussy subtle cries: life with a newborn is a mix of extreme happiness and uncertain overwhelm. We sat down with Dr. Vanshika Gupta Adukia, Pregnancy, Childbirth and Lactation Specialist, Founder of Therhappy to understand the struggles of a new parent and more.
Recent times has seen emphasis being laid on understanding the feelings of a new mother and helping her navigate her way through the new found journey of motherhood, fathers are stereotypically behind when it’s about dealing with life and emotions after a baby.
Equal Parenting
In times that are absolutely pro equal parenting and start focusing on the journey towards fatherhood from the early days of pregnancy, life changes for a new formed father in the early days of fatherhood need focus and thought to help settle them in this phase of life as well.
While hormonal changes both during pregnancy and postpartum are a known fact of the changing mother’s body, evidence suggests fathers too experience hormonal changes that are enough to make them spiral down the path of paternal postpartum depression.
As odd as this may seem to many, paternal postpartum depression is evidently seen to impact 10% of all new fathers during their early days of parenthood.
Old school beliefs about men being the bread earners and the emotionally staunch ones of their family, are unsaid pressures for fathers even today. Managing financial stress with their professional responsibilities often ramps up stress even for the best.
Stuck between two ends of a spectrum that either voice equal parenting with no gender-based role specifications for infant care, or the traditional mainstream belief of a father’s primarily role being that of a provider- These beliefs are one of the major reasons why men shy away from expressing themselves.
Coping Up As A Dad
With most families becoming nuclear, the role of the father by need or even by choice has grown multifold. But with these added responsibilities not necessarily do fathers get the support that they truly deserve. Maternal leave is an aspect that in recent times has grown to become a fair trend for women, while paternal leave is unheard of for most men and in cases where it is applicable for a limited couple of days, often the decision of the father to excise this right is mocked or joked about.
A rough night with a sleepless crying baby or a rampant phase with a sick infant, where a father may have stepped up to let the mother rest or simply stepped in to give her a helping hand- either way, in most cases fathers do not have the privilege to take the next morning off work. No matter how exhausted he may be.
He’s often even advised to leave such nights for the mother to tend while he covers on his sleep as his professional responsibilities are deemed far above his emotional responsibility of backing his partner and child.
Another factor that is known to impact every man to some extent is the everchanging equation he shares with his partner who is now a mother. With a baby newly in the picture, attention and focus are bound to shift. Often insecurities creep in when men see the mother bonding rather immediately with the baby and time that the couple earlier spent together alone is down too negligible since the baby takes up most of it.
Conclusion
Unfortunately even if fathers themselves know about their grappling situation and their need of help, accepting the same is difficult for most. Lack of support or the fear of being misunderstood often makes them laugh off the idea of life having changed with fatherhood.
It’s high time we acknowledged and understood that like motherhood, fatherhood too is a long hour driven, full time responsibility that men should no longer be condemned for or discouraged against. Instead if only new fathers were better supported and emotionally lifted, parenthood would be an only more fulfilling experience for each of them.
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