Dating can be exciting but also nerve-wracking, especially during the early stages. Experiencing anxiety early on is normal. When a guy takes longer to text back, it can create a whirlwind of emotions. But it is during this time that we, as women, must lean back and allow for what is to unfold organically. It is so much easier to lean in and ask questions or initiate contact. But it can also make you (as a woman) the pursuer (masculine energy). Some may wonder if that is even a problem. After all, why can’t we, as 21st-century women pursue guys by asking them out? We asked Karina Calver, Relationship Expert and Founder of Hukam Healing, just this and she says,
We, as humans have both energies, masculine and feminine, within us. Our masculine qualities allow us to be driven and achieve goals, and be successful in the areas we are targeting. Our feminine energy is about feeling our emotions, being in alignment with our intuition, taking a more “follower” role VS a “leader” role, which simply means relaxing and trusting the masculine energy within us to rest and recalibrate. It also allows communication to take place from a heart-centered space.
We want a man to desire us, and to show us that he likes us through actions. If we make all the effort, the likelihood is, he won’t at all. The question we need to ask ourselves is, do we want to set that as a norm? Do we want to lean into the relationship from now till forever? Because how we show up in the beginning sets the tone of the energy we carry in a relationship.
Most women would want to be pursued and led, because it shows that the man is interested in them hence he is taking action. So, in most aspects in life we need to lean forward. However, in dating, it helps for us to lean back—and that is where the dilemma comes in. The struggle being a go-getter is that we use the same concept in dating. So, how does a woman stay in her feminine energy when everything around requires her to be more driven?
Read on to know the ways women can lean back and let their man come forward, as shared by Karina!
1. Focus On Yourself
It is important to focus on yourself. What that means is you do more of the things that you love. Whether it is hitting the gym, painting, writing, boxing, etc. You do you. Because it is important to put the energy back into ourselves. This also expresses self-love. Do all things that you love, and be around people that you normally would.
Do not let the early stages of dating take too much emotional or mental energy because they guy is too new in your life to take up that much space. That energy used on him (overthinking or getting emotional) should be earned by him. If he hasn’t reached out, don’t initiate contact especially if you’ve seen him only a couple of times. It is still fresh and you both are still learning about each other. If he is as keen as you thought he is, then he will find a way to reach out to you.
During this time, do all the things you’d been doing before he came into your life.
2. When He Isn’t Texting Or Making the Effort
If a guy who was really keen on you and then suddenly hasn’t texted you, then for the most part, he has lost interest. It could also be that he suddenly got sick or something terrible happened. So, when he does reach out, hear him out if he explains why he has been out of touch. But consistent effort is key if he truly wants to pursue you–which is something he would want to do if he is into you. He wouldn’t want someone else to have you. He would pursue you because he sees your worth, and that would be enough for him to show you how much he wants to be in your life or to get to know you.
This is a no-brainer. So, there should be no need to second-guess why he hasn’t texted or made any effort.
3. Observe VS Lecture
When spending time with a guy, notice what he says and whether his actions match his words. Also, by observing, you pick up on his priorities and values in life. For example, if a guy who you are getting to know, talks too much about sex early on, and you feel like he is just into you for that, you can either ask him about his past relationships and how intimate they were. Don’t lecture him on how sex and making love are different. Notice what he says and over time you’ll get a clearer picture of who he is, and whether what he says adds up to his values and action.
Lecturing isn’t useful because it comes across as being ‘holier than thou’ and no man wants to feel like he doesn’t know what he is doing or that he has got it wrong. Correct them only when they ask for advice or input. If not, just be a listener and observe. During the early stages, how they present themselves is who they are. Take them for that, and then decide if they are a good fit for you.
As you follow these three pointers, it allows you to sit back and let men pursue you. But it also helps you stay balanced in your feminine energy of being desired and wanted. A balance of masculine-feminine energy helps brings a man and a woman together.
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