Yet again, another flimsy yet explosive squabble and both of you feel unloved. You are lost at how your relationship ended up like this as you dreadfully wonder ‘Is this over?’. If this feel familiar to you then perhaps your relationship is no longer the same.
Most of us are in denial of relationship breakdown. You know it’s over but you are just dragging it on. For some people, the realisation of the relationship breakdown comes sooner, while others keep dragging on a dead relationship. When love or respect is lost in emotional bonding, it turns unhealthy for the couple. In such a situation, it is better to part ways. But how can one be sure that it is time to walk away from a long term relationship? What are the signs that suggest so?
We spoke to Pooja Khera, an internationally certified Relationships and Dating Coach, Coach of Happiness and Wellbeing, and Tarot Expert to understand more about the signs that you need to look out for, the signs that indicate your long-term relationship has reached a dead end. Scroll down to check out the 10 signs!
1. The past memories become more important than the present
Do you frequently replay the happy memories of the past in thoughts or words? It is a clear sign that you are unhappy. Past memories shouldn’t be the reason you are together; remember your togetherness should grow in the vibe of present circumstances and not in what happened then.
2. You feel lost in the relationship
Partners are supposed to uplift and encourage each other. If you see changes in your personality that you don’t like or which are beyond recognition to your own self, then the relationship is clearly toxic for you. In a healthy bonding, partners bring positive and fulfilling changes in each other and not the other way around.
3. A weird relationship with the ‘ex’ or ‘family or a friend’ or anyone else
If you are constantly having to question your partner’s involvement with other people, especially with an ex, then it is a clear sign of trouble. Not marking your boundaries will make your relationship a triangle and not a mutually respected equation, which it should be. This will lead to causing jealousy and harbouring bitterness. Eventually, it will harm you both. If it is not addressed and resolved even after multiple discussions then it is perhaps time to fold and walk away.
4. Physical intimacy feels like work
Healthy sex life is an important part of a relationship. If the passion is missing and you are no more interested in your partner, then it spells trouble. If you thought of intimacy with your partner makes you cringe, then both of you need to work on it. If not, it is perhaps time to move away from the relationship.
5. Routine conversations become difficult
Are everyday conversations turning into arguments? Some skirmishes are intrinsic to every relationship. But when routine conversations turn into full-blown conflicts, it results in a lack of comfort with each other. This leads to less communication or non-communication. Not being able to communicate and relate with each other is risky for every relationship. It will result in drifting apart which is always a final blow to an equation.
6. Attraction towards other people
It is perfectly normal to find other people attractive. But when harmless flirting turns serious, then there is a serious problem brewing. Often thinking or fantasizing about someone else shows that you are losing interest in your significant other. The same goes when you constantly seek company outside your relationship. When you start finding yourself doing this, it is then that the fulfilling purpose of your current relationship is all but lost.
7. When there are high expectations of change
Trying to change your partner to suit your expectations is distressing. Not only will your partner feel stifled, your relationship will also race towards a disaster. Remember, it was your partner’s unique traits that you found attractive, you did not fall in love with them just for them to become your shadow.
8. Need for constant justification
There is a difference between offering an explanation and having to justify it. If you are being made to justify every action, it is like telling you that those actions in themselves are unacceptable. Relationships are built on understanding, trust and acceptance. Partners should not have to make efforts to forcibly ‘fit in’ each other’s lives, it should come naturally to both of them.
9. When there is emotional/physical/verbal abuse
Any form of abuse—physical, mental, emotional, verbal, is a big no! Irrespective of the situation or reason, nothing justifies abuse. None of the partners should accept it or even worse, try to justify it. If there is any incident or sign of any sort of abuse, then it is a clear indicator that the relationship is toxic and it is time for you to walk away. Fast.
10. Realisation that your goals and values don’t align
Agreeing to disagree is an important aspect of every relationship. Even happy partners more often than not have differences. It keeps the energetic vibes alive and keeps the association happy and vibrant. But when you drastically differ on basic aspects such a love, monogamy, honesty, kids and so on, it shows a huge disconnect. In long term relationships, having the same mindset on issues like professional choices, life’s aspirations and such become vital. If you realise that you both are completely off-centre then there are lesser chances of striking a compromise. This is a warning sign you should not ignore, especially if you’re thinking of a future together.
Lastly, Pooja says,
My dear readers, a healthy relationship is one where both partners feel loved and respected. Without this essential aspect, staying in the relationship would be like doing injustice to each other and to your own self. Don’t drag the misery if you don’t feel true love for each other because true love never ends, it grows.
She concludes with the popular quote, ‘When the pain of holding on is greater than the pain of letting go, it’s time to let go.’
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