There’s many things we take into account when choosing our lifelong partner. You know spending the rest of your life with someone is a daunting task. How will you adjust, how will they adjust? Many questions plague our mind. And, a lot of us believe that the right relationship for us will last us forever. It is hard to wrap one’s mind around lifelong commitment, isn’t it? But in order to have a lifelong, lasting committed relationship, it is imperative to know what it will take. Because wanting to commit and actually doing what is required are two different things entirely.
And no matter how loved up you are or irrevocably in love you are there are many things you should find out before you get serious. Most of these will feel scary and overwhelming but getting these answers will truly cement the bond you share over time. You can have every intention in the world to want to sustain the commitment but you have to be willing to take off the rose-tinted sunglasses and look at the road ahead with clarity.
Here’s a list of things to keep in mind before making a lifelong commitment to anyone:
1) It’s hard work.
Just know that anything worth having and maintaining takes a lot of hard work and effort. There are days when you want something and your partner might not agree with you, you have to come to a compromise. Are you willing to settle for the middle ground?
2) If they lose, you lose.
Remember that when your partner loses at anything in life it will directly have an impact on your life and relationship. Acknowledge the struggle, offer support and weather the storm, if you want to sustain that lifelong commitment to one another.
3) They can’t fix you.
Our internal battles are ours and ours alone to fight. No one can come in like a knight on a horse and save you. The choices are yours to make and likewise your problems are yours to fix. Yes they can lend you an empathetic ear but beyond that don’t have the expectation for them to do the hard work of fixing things. If you do wish to have a lifelong commitment with this person then try to focus on healing on your own time.
4) And you can’t fix them.
Don’t go into relationships with the savious syndrome, just like they can’t fix you and your problems you can’t fix them. If there’s something they do that hurts you, express it and allow them a fair chance to fix it. Try not to nag, again offer a listening ear and unending support because in the long run that’s all we crave. A strong support system that will help us weather the storm. If you want to sustain a lifelong commitment with this human then you should know when to give them space to figure things out on their own too.
5) Not everything is 50-50.
In a marriage or a relationship sometimes you have to take a plunge beyond the 50% because that’s what you do when your partner is struggling to keep up. It could be their mental health, life, sickness, you never know what might come your way. Be sure that you are ready and committed to love the person and their inner monsters too. All people are good and bad and it’s a journey for all of us. So you have to understand that you can’t exclusively only be in a relationship with a person’s good side.
Of course, no one is saying you need to tolerate them when things take a turn for the worse like physical abuse etc. Be sure to be self-aware enough to know when to stay and when to close the door on a relationship. Maming a lifelong commitment is about patience and understanding.
6) Have all the information you need to make an educated choice.
By this I mean, make sure the two of you are on the same page about all of life’s biggest decision. Does this person want children? Are they religious? Will their religion affect your lifestyle and how you’ll raise your kids together if at all you’ll do want them? How does he speak to waiters? Does he treat his family and women with respect? These are just a few questions one should discuss to get the clarity to make this lifelong commitment.
7) Happily ever after is not real, joy is a by-product.
While the notion of happily ever after is a wonderfully optimistic idea, much like life, marriage is also imperfect. And joy is simply a by-product of the effort and hard work you put into your equation. Do you show up for your partner when they need you and vice versa? Do you prioritise them and their needs? Do you think of them when you think of the future? Make sure you truly understand that a marriage is not just the sum of a beautiful wedding with beautiful people and clothes and decor. It is much, much more than what meets the eye. So if you truly understand and recognise all the above statements to be true then you should go right ahead and make that lifelong commitment to the love of your life.
What are some things you kept in mind before making a lifelong commitment to your partner? Let me know in the comments below.
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