2019 was possibly the worst year of my life. Everything that had to go wrong was already going wrong. I quit my job as a stylist—I loved my job but I wasn’t feeling challenged. All my friendships we starting to fall apart and so did my relationship. When I said it wasn’t a great year I wasn’t exaggerating. And while it’s very easy for me to crawl into the darkness of my wormhole, I challenged myself to be more positive. But, you should know that it is okay to not be okay. You do not have to put any additional pressure on yourself to look and be happy. The best way to tackle emotions I’ve learned is to be one with them while you’re feeling them. Accept that you are experiencing it to being with, instead of suppressing them and allowing yourself to react passive-aggressively to people around you.
In any case, I felt like it was time for me to help myself because I wanted to be happy. At the time, a very dear friend recommended a book by Louise. L Hay called You can heal your life. Frankly, that book changed my life, it helped me pay attention to the internal negative chatter. It helped me focus on positive thoughts and helped me manifest where I am today. I’m also a happier, lighter and more grateful human today than I ever was before, thanks to this book.
Here are the 10 things I told myself when I wasn’t feeling okay:
1) I am good enough
Because we’re living in the digital age with limitless access, it gets tricky to navigate. You might even unconsciously compare yourself to their online life. But it is imperative to realize that one’s representation of their life online might not even be their reality. Just pull focus on yourself, focus on your own growth because you are enough. You are not in competition with anyone else but yourself. If you are friendly with people who undermine your worth then it’s best to cut ties and move on. You don’t need anyone’s approval to feel okay and happy.
2) What’s meant for you will happen regardless
This one was quite an important learning for me. I started paying attention to my gut feeling, it grew to be so strong that sometimes I just couldn’t ignore it. Something’s just don’t work out because they weren’t meant to. And if something is meant for you, it won’t pass you by no matter what you do. So, when the right opportunity comes along you’ll just know. Don’t take rejection too seriously; just think of it like something better is scheduled to come along. Inevitably something better does come around and you’re able to piece together why things didn’t work out. It’s okay to have a little faith in the universe and its ways.
3) I will get there
You’ve thrived for as long as you’ve survived and that couldn’t have happened without you own ability to make things happen. Amirite? Change and progress both take time to achieve but small steps in the right direction will eventually make a huge difference. Set goals and follow through on your vision. Don’t take yourself too seriously and make sure to have fun along the way. Believe in your ability to achieve anything you want and remind yourself of the times you overcame things that you didn’t think you could have. Tell yourself you’re okay and that you will get there when it’s your time to.
4) My life will look totally different in the next 6 months
This was something I told myself over and over again. What you go through at one point in time is not how your world may look in the next few days even. Remember that change is the only constant and that you should find solace in that idea. Think about the future you want to have and surrender, stop trying to control every outcome. Stop overthinking and overanalyzing your every move. Life has the habit of taking over and going in the direction it has to.
All you have to do is continue to do your best and be your best version. Whoever and however that may be. Don’t focus on the worst-case scenario think about what you might do if all your dreams come true the very next day. Who would you be then? Be that person every day because you’ll be sure to attract your goals that way.
5) Life doesn’t have to always be perfect
The lows are a reminder of how beautiful the highs are and without the bad times, no one would learn to appreciate the good times. Honestly, nobody has it all figured out even if they look like it. If you knew them well enough I’m sure they would tell you how their lives weren’t perfect. I thought I was going to be a stylist for the rest of my life. 10 years later, bored as hell totally had to recalibrate my goals. It’s important, to be honest with yourself about your happiness and peace of mind. Everyone takes different routes in life and everyone reaches their version of perfect at different times and stages. It is more than okay to not know what you want to do or be in the next 5 to 10 years. You will get there in the end.
6) It is totally okay to fall behind in life’s rat-race
As mentioned above, it’s nearly impossible for everyone to move at the same pace. That would be like watching a race where everyone wins at the exact same time. Completely bizarre! Comparison is the death of creativity, the minute you compare yourself to another person you’ve instantly told yourself you’re not good enough. You’ll never measure up to another person because you don’t share the same strengths as them. It wouldn’t be much more different than comparing a fish to a bird. It’s silly and unnecessary so why do that to yourself. Instead, focus on harnessing your strengths and growing your skillset. That would put you in 4th gear almost immediately. Everyone needs to find the strength to be okay with their pace, whether slow or fast.
7) It is okay to move out of a toxic environment
Most of us compare struggle and pain to being stuck and helpless. Someone once told me human beings aren’t tress and we’re only as free as our mind allows us to be. You get to choose your path in life, you get to build and create the life you want. No one is forcing you to do what you’re doing and you are in full control of how your life is turning out to be. Stop blaming your friends, family and lover for how things are if a situation is toxic it is up to you to pull yourself out of it. It is imperative to do what’s most beneficial for your mental health and well-being.
8) The small achievements amount to the bigger changes
Okay, so one common mistake a lot of us make is that we focus on the final goal. We expect things to come together for us overnight and when they don’t it breaks our heart and confidence. Instead, take one small step in the right direction and before you know it you’d be at your end goal. Say good things to yourself when you accomplish these small goals because in reality to even achieve those are a pretty big task in itself. Keep believing in yourself always because no one else will do it for you. Work hard and persevere and don’t forget having fun is just as important.
9) Everything always works out in the end
Happiness is a journey and not a destination. We all get the things we deserve eventually and should be patient. Rome was not built in a day and similarly, our hopes and dreams won’t be accomplished overnight. So don’t beat yourself up for not being where you think you’re meant to be. Enjoy the ride and in the end, everything will be A-okay!
10) This too shall pass
Okay, this is the last and probably most important thing to tell yourself. What you are experiencing right now is not permanent. No one’s life remains the same and as I mentioned above change is always constant. All your struggles will slowly evaporate as you slowly and patiently begin to deal with them. This too shall pass is something I always remind myself. And just like that, I’m over the hill and onto the other side.
What are some of the things you tell yourself when you aren’t feeling okay? Let me know in the comments below.
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