Ex-Bigg Boss contestant Priya Malik is recapping Bigg Boss season 10 for us. You can read her recaps here. Follow her on Twitter: @PriyaSometimes.
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author.
So… I miss out on Asli Tatti for, like, a week, and begin to expect constipation… but lo and behold, diarrhoea it is. The housemates wake up to Feel the Fizz and they get so fizzy that acidity wakes up with them and dances in their faces.
Captain Rohan is asked to choose the names of 4 housemates who have had the most disappointing performances in the weekly task. Rohan commits the cardinal sin and announces Swami Om‘s name as the first name…whaaa? He protests to go on a food strike if this zulm continues… world peace ensues. Rohan also names Monalisa and Nitibha and struggles to find another name. In the meanwhile, Gaurav and Swami ji get into a screaming match wherein God Om Swami Sri Sri quotes something from the Mahabharata. I am drowning in his divinity, BRB.
Eventually, Rohan names Swami Om, Nitibha, Monalisa and Lopa. And then I hear some gossip and my radiators radiate in full swing – I do a little dance when Bani tells Gaurav and Rohan that she saw Manveer and Mona doing “something” in the bedroom. What? You mean, two consenting adults indulged in a physical activity? From the gestures by Bani, it was either a kiss or a… blowjob. Where was Manu during all this? PS: Humaar Bhauji is also a famous Bhojpuri film, just saying.
“Hi, Bigg Boss, how are you doing? Missed me?” is what I want to ask him when I hear him introduce the mean puppetry task. In this task, Rohan becomes the puppeteer and Swami Om, Nitibha, Lopa and Mona become his puppets (drawstrings et al). Rohan is asked to choose one person who’d eat two slabs of butter, and he chooses Swami ji, because, of course, he is on an imaginary hunger strike. Swami Om says that Rohan’s “DNA” is bad and this is where we thank Swami ji’s oorja for never procreating because, just imagine.
The next punishment is to put someone on a stretcher and Rohan chooses Swami ji for that too. Swami ji says “Rohan murdabad” and also threatens to hurt him physically. Eventually, Rohan has to choose yet another contender for being in the jail and he chooses Nitibha for it. When the stretcher arrives, Swami ji gets really ecstatic on seeing it and can’t wait to get on it. Woohoo.
Nitibha insists that the jail be cleaned up before she gets into it. So demanding. And we see Swami ji screaming “Naukar” at Rohan so that he takes him to the bathroom. He also says nasty things about Rohan’s family and bloodline, and Manveer and Mona chide him for it. Manveer eventually tries to convince him to finish his punishment and Nitibha gets locked away in a clean jail.
More screaming by Swami ji ensues and everyone decides to boycott him collectively. I am being able to recall someone from last year who was also supposed to be boycotted collectively. Ahem. Bigg Boss calls Swami ji into the confession room and gives him a warning for the “anuchit” stuff that he has been saying. Well, Mr. Christian Bigg Boss Grey, I expect you to be a much harder master than this. Seriously.
We cut to Swami ji, the King of the World, stepping down from the stretcher of his own accord and going to the toilet. In the meanwhile, Rohan discovers that Swami ji has hidden two wooden sticks under his bed and he wonders why. I don’t wonder why at all. Swami ji indulges in a few more antics and is told to behave by Bigg Boss yet again. Swami ji further flings the stretcher and this makes even Rahul Dev spring into action, which he immediately regrets. I don’t know if you guys have been seeing the mannequin challenge on the internet lately, but Rahul Dev beats them all.
Prince of India and the King of the World indulge in a further argument about butter (first world problem) and we hear an announcement from Bigg Boss that there is no luxury budget for them this week. Swami ji screams a little bit more and calls Rohan ‘Rakhshas‘. Well, from Prince to Rakhshas, that de-esecalated quickly.
We cut to some nauseating love-induced conversation between Manu and Mona, while Manveer pretends to be asleep as they call each other “Bangali Machhli” and “Punjabi something” and it makes me want to stand in an ATM queue instead.
PS: Nitibha, what about the ATMs in Kashmir?
PPS: Are the lines as insignificant as your presence on the show?
Yours bitchfully,
Bitch Boss