So I was sitting around wondering what to blog about today and this guy I know whatsapped me saying, “I need to find a nice girl. I’ve decided, lol” and it got me thinking: why is that so hard/funny? And it occurred to me that we’re back in Mars & Venus territory, but with the added stress of romancing in the digital age where you have to be 5 different types of funny, attractive, sexy, cool and mysterious thanks to cell phones and social media! (Oh and if you haven’t, you should totally read my piece for Elle on The New Rules of Dating #justsaying).
So here’s what I did: I polled 25 guys; single, married, divorced, dating, “it’s complicated” etc. etc. in the hopes of getting to the bottom of this age old dilemma! So ladies, here it is! Everything you needed to know (or at least a starter pack) on what men notice first, their perfect girl and even what you’re doing wrong! Don’t forget to leave me a comment if you found this post helpful or shocking or life changing even… 😛
PS. Before you start flaming me for being sexist my dear trollers, obviously there’s a What Women REALLY Want version coming up in sequel to this epic blog! So enjoy and you’re welcome. xoxo
Anonymous. 23, Dating
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
The way they look, followed swiftly by how easy going and good hearted they are.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Cheating, treating those close to me (including myself) badly.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Someone who makes you feel lighter and happier after being around them in comparison to how you felt before they arrived.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Nitpicking over small, inconsequential details.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
Depends on how old/mature they are.
Eventually they want the same thing you do. To feel like they have a companion they can count on while the rest of the world seems to play for the other team.
Anonymous. 31, Single
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Her honesty towards everything in life, her feelings, the care she shows… her ethics, morals, values… her upbringing…
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Lack of honesty and trust.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
My perfect girl can look ordinary and the most beautiful from the inside.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Judging other girls.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
Still haven’t cracked that.
Anonymous. 32, Single
What’s the fist thing you notice about a girl.
It’s her hair, followed closely by her eyes. A good 1-2 punch will knock me out.
What’s an absolute deal breaker.
Lookswise – completely out of shape
Personality – no wit/humor, or bad storyteller
How would you describe you perfect girl.
Someone who looks great in sweats. She would have the depth to ponder our place in the universe as well be able to laugh at a good dick and fart joke. the icing on top is someone who is independent – she can walk into a party with me and be able to go left while i go right, and by the end the night not feel neglected.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships.
Stop asking ‘what are you thinking’ – because most of the time it’s about sports.
What do you think girls REALLY want.
To be appreciated, to be reminded that they special. To never be taken for granted. (surprises for no reason help.)
Anonymous. 26, Single
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Her looks.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
If she continuously acts dumb.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Deepika Padukone.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Being too possessive.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
They act as if they want a badass guy, but in reality they want the opposite.
Candyman. 33, Married
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Mischievous eyes.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Taking life too seriously.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Devil-may-care, cheeky, constant and infectious laugher, shorter than me, dancer.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Being a damp squib, moaning about life, lethargic, antipathetic.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
A game changing boulevardier.
Anonymous. 24, Dating
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Face (in the non pervy segment, otherwise tits).
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
If the girl doesn’t speak well.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Gorgeous, well spoken, grounded.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Taking control, invading space/privacy.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
Attention.
Anonymous. 26, Single
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Her hair.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Has no sense of humour.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Always ready for a laugh/joke, music crazy, easy maintenance, great bum (that’s a partial joke lol).
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
I honestly wouldn’t know haha but I guess being needy if that becomes a thing…
What do you think girls REALLY want?
Solidly good laughs, good fun, no judging.
Anonymous. 25, Single
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Her face.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
If she doesn’t speak well.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Smart, well spoken and pretty.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Whining and shouting.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
I have absolutely no idea when you find out please tell me.
Anonymous, 31, Single
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Their teeth and smile.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Snobby “princess” attitude.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Perfect is a longgggg list of boxes that need to be ticked but simply put just someone you can be yourself with.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Stop the attention seeking behaviour.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
LOVE.
Shayne. 31, Single
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Their bubbliness and smile. <
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Being too judgemental and unkept grooming (can’t stand badly groomed people).
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Come one, no one is perfect.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Stop being all “Femanisty” and judgemental Men and Women should learn to get along. and we’re all human. no one is perfect.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
They’re very confusing so can’t really say.
Anonymous, 40, Single
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Smile.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
No career motivation.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
It’s a feeling that strings your heart, she knows my thoughts before I say them.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Wanting to know every second of detail.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
Respect, trust, care.
Suved 33, Dating
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
A pretty face and dressing sophisticatedly (not revealing to much).
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
A gold digger.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
A mix of homemaker and someone I could run wild with, no pretensions just be our individual selves and respect that about each other and yes must love travelling!
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Nagging and thinking they’re right always!
What do you think girls REALLY want?
A bad boy who’s good to them, giving them the two most important things to every women; security and love.
Anonymous. 33, Single
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Her eyes and ass.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Eating with her mouth open/bad breath.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Someone with whom you can spend time and have endless conversation without even bothering about anything.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Being inquisitive and over possessive.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
A guy who looks like Ryan Gosling, has Robert Downey junior’s personality, is a badass and has a great sense of Humour.
Anonymous. 40, Married
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
How they speak & enunciate with a mix of the substance of the conversation… heavily weighted of course on the substance.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Shallow conversationalist with no sense of humour.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
My wife.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
What do they need to stop doing in relationships – over-analysing everything & letting the universe take care of its own shit.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
Can’t name one but in no order of priority – a smart charming dude, successful or with the will to succeed, a great lover & a listener.
Anonymous. 38, Married
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Chutzpah, passion for life.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Cluelessness.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Well spoken, well read, passionate, Looker.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Breaking down the guy’s self confidence.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
LOL! Damned if I know!
Honestly though? A compassionate partner, a loving family and a pursuit to call their own.
But then, aren’t we all?
Anonymous. 38, Divorced, Still Looking
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Physical – eyes. Non physical – confidence.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Too much drama.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
In a few words. Intelligent, intense, in control of her life.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Be over intrusive. You guys might think of it as distance, guys like to think of it as space.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
1. 2. . 3. 4. . 5. If I had to fathom a guess, I’d say a friend, a lover and a partner in crime all rolled in one person. But to be honest, I feel men don’t know what women want because few women know what they really want!
Anonymous. 43, It’s Complicated
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Body language.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
She tells you to change after marrying you.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
She can’t stop kissing you in public.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Being morons.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
A lesbian long term relationship so they can forward that SMS to all men and say “blow me”.
Anonymous. 38, Married
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
First thing is obviously being attractive because that’s when you initiate a conversation right?
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
So there actually shouldn’t be a deal breaker in a relationship. But then obviously there has to be some tip off.. Well I guess for me… If a girl can’t keep her self esteem or integrity intact, then indirectly it does affect my integrity, which is something I may never tolerate and never be able to adjust with in a lifetime, so then I would maybe let go.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Need to have that connect where you can be friends who can talk your hearts out day and night. Understands you even when you don’t say a word, connects with your friends, should be ready to become a woman with time.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Over expect things and get emotional about it when they don’t happen.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
Girls want a mix of Tarzan + Obama + Trump.
Anonymous, 30, Single
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
How good she smells.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Facial hair specially when they except us to only focus on face while talking and no where else.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Some who knows which shoe goes with which outfit.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Stop hijacking his friends as your friends.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
Girls really want that they get to know what they ‘really’ want as they never do themselves know it.
Danny. 29, Dating
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
The first thing I notice is the woman’s body.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
A woman who has bad manners. As they say… ‘manners don’t cost anything’.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Someone who shares my ‘Brit’ sense of humour, who can make me laugh, someone who is homely and will respect the family unit that I belong to. A person who is strong and can fight their own battles and finally a woman who would be there for me not only in the good times but also the tough times.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
They need to stop bringing up the past. Why go back to an argument or incident that happened ages ago?
What do you think girls REALLY want?
I think a woman really wants someone who will accept them for who they are and not to change themselves.
Vikram. 34, Married
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Her eyes, as it seems to work as a wonderful tool with direct access into her mind.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Bad hygiene.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Two words: Payal Khandwala.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Having expectations.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
Honesty, stability, an intelligent sense of humor, and a fair measure of wisdom.
Rahul. 32, Single
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Simplicity, Honesty, Modesty! If the girl has a great personality, voice and loves the dance floor as much as I do or more… I’d have the biggest crush on her 🙂
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Attitude and Ego… a complete deal breaker 🙂 it creates lack of communication.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
I know it sounds cliched but would like falling in love with someone’s imperfections.
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Would have to be in a relationship to be able to ever answer this question.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
They like to be cared about and most importantly care about the person they are in love with! Women want care, love in your eyes and warmth in your voice.
Anonymous, 40, Married
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
The first thing I notice is attitude and confidence. Attractive features couldn’t hurt for someone across a bar.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Lack of intelligence or not being capable of stimulating conversation, including the lack of a sense of humour.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Intelligent, funny, independent and an outgoing party person, good dancer, able to make friends easily, non judgemental, easy going and someone who I can respect for her achievements. (And she would be able to handle shots and partying all night!)
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships
Girls need to stop trying to change the guy they’re dating. Guy aren’t pets to be house broken. If you don’t like the way he is, find someone who is your type!
What do you think girls REALLY want?
Girls just want to be understood, loved, made love to, treated like a princess and told very often that they’re the only girl in the world for him. Unless they’re liberated… then they just want to be left the fuck alone!
AD., 34, Married
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Her looks and style (being honest)
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Lack Intelligence.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Some one who lives to enjoy life and goes with the flow!
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Nothing they should just be themselves!
What do you think girls REALLY want?
All they need is love and someone to stand by them, and they will help you bring the moon in your house!
Ravi, 33, Married
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Attire.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Half-hearted excuses.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Just “Perfect” 🙂
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Not giving space to your man.
What do you think girls REALLY want?
Love and Care.
Vikram, 33, Single
What’s the first thing you notice about women?
Face for sure. Your interest in personality or soul, often starts from the attraction to the face.
What’s an absolutely deal breaker for you?
Bad odor.
How would you describe your PERFECT girl.
Witty, independent, well spoken, mature, ambitious, kind natured (in general, not just with people close to her) and level headed. Of course pretty!
What’s one thing girls need to stop doing in relationships?
Move on to the first guy they meet after your break up, haha!
What do you think girls REALLY want?
What they REALLY want is a constant mix of ‘feeling secure’ & ‘NOT feeling completely in control’. As a man, you’re treading on a thin rope, because lack of attention will kill you and too much attention quickly makes them take you for granted.
Thank you gentlemen for taking the time to answer my questions so honestly! There’s a follow up blog coming soon with What Women REALLY Want incase you hadn’t heard us tell you 100 times already 😛