Twinkle Khanna is one of our favourite personalities. She’s witty, she’s sharp, she doesn’t mince her words and she’s a prolific writer! What more would anyone want? Akshay Kumar is definitely a lucky man, and on the occasion of her birthday, we’ve listed down her funniest quotes (from her columns, book, events and twitter), check them out and tell us your favourite!
1) On the annoying habit of men when they refuse to ask for directions…
Our little satellite reached Mars because it was called MOM. If it was called DAD, it would still be circling the Earth, lost, but not willing to ask for directions.
2) On periods
Menstruating doesn’t cause pickles to spoil, temples to collapse or food to rot, nor is it contagious, though it would be rather nice to infect the male population with this so-called ‘curse’ for a month or two, just to sit back and view what I am sure would be a highly entertaining spectacle.
3) On englisss
11 a.m.: Sitting in front of my computer and drinking coffee, I spot an email from my accountant stating, ‘Dear Madam, My sister very dangerous. I want to saw her. Please give leave three days! Good day, Srinivasan’.
4) On not entertaining us on Koffee With Karan
I have not been on Koffee With Karan because my husband was scared that the first word I utter would be penis and he wouldn’t want me to say penis penis penis.
5) On how much faith she had in her movie
I had decided that if Mela flops, I’ll marry Akshay and it happened.
6) On not being able to compete with Goddess Parvati
I don’t think I can find an elephant head in time to make him my little Ganesha. Parvati had divine powers to join the head with her son’s body whereas I will have to plonk an orange pumpkin on top of his torso and try my luck with spit and good old Fevicol.
7) On people expecting the ‘Universe’ to do everything for them.
Universe is not your rakhi brother to give you gifts
8) On Kim Kardashian!
Before the world even knew Kimmy existed, we had the famous choreographer Saroj Khan who could certainly balance a tray and a cup of tea on her bottom if she tried, not that she ever did. She used that bit to sway gloriously and teach others to do the same. Just like our politicians, I am bringing this up to prove that anything anyone can do, we Indians could have or have done it earlier and better.
9) On Karva Chauth
There are 146 countries above us where the men have longer lifespans, and the biggest blow is that even with four wives who don’t fast for them, the Arab men outlive our good old Indian dudes.
10) And on not unzipping her husband’s pants anymore!
A wise woman keeps her hands firmly in her pockets and does not accidentally unzip anything, including her mouth.
Happy birthday Twinkle!