100 Thoughts That Went Through Our Heads When We Watched #HateStory3

Working at MissMalini.com has many perks, the biggest one being that I get to work with a team who is hard-working, enthusiastic, funny and most importantly – crazy! I mean, I don’t know any other team in the world who’d book their tickets for Hate Story 3 in the morning and then spend the entire day looking forward to it.

The Bollywood team left office exactly on time today. Everyone came back to my place for… erm… recreational activities that may have involved some drinking. And before we knew it, it was time… time for the movie that has brought us closer than we ever were before (and we are pretty f^cking close!).

Here are 100 thoughts that went through our minds during the movie (*Spoiler Alert*)

1. I am not able to understand Sharman Joshi in a sexy role.

1. Sharman doesn’t know how to kiss!
2. Sharman’s ears are like mine!
3. Sharman’s nipples… eeks…
4. Zarine Khan is super hot, man!
5. Prem Chopra will kill Sharman after this. Did you know he’s Sharman’s sasur?

1. This movie is the reason bhabhi-devar plot lines are so prevalent in desi porn.
2. Hey! Sharman looks like a thin Prince Narula!

1. Daisy Shah is a sexy secretary. Sharman Joshi has a sexy secretary. Don’t understand which sentence is weirder.
2. *Oh Daisy, oh Daisy… tere pichhe tahaa crayzee!* I’m going to listen to that song when I get home…

1. Why don’t Daisy and Sharman have an affair? More gross kissing!
2. They might.
3. “I don’t know how to thank you… But thank you.” How is this a dialogue?
4. Sharman’s pick up line is “handsome is as handsome does”? What?
5. Karan Singh Grover‘s entry – CGI on drugs!

1. “You bloody!” Hahahaha
2. One second! When someone tells you they want to sleep with your wife, you say “dobara mat karna”?!?
3. Bro, this Uncle is going to be a major game-changer, I can tell.
4. This movie has way too many inside jokes about penis.
5. Uncle basically stalks everyone and makes files about their lives.
6. Sharman’s “cold drink company” is called “Freeze: Always Cool.” Literally 2 seconds were spent in coming up with that.
7. Erm. Daisy can’t act.
8. “I’m just not understanding how is that possible!!!” Same, Daisy… same.
9. Daisy Shah’s diamond earrings tho. #sindhiobservation
10. Waiitttt….. Sharman hasn’t told Zarine what KSG said?? And she has never asked him why they stormed out from Karan’s house?
11. Do you think Shahid Kapoor and Mira Rajput have such a big photo of themselves in their house?

1. Zarine secretly wants KSG I think. This is all a facade.
2. Bipasha Basu is dating *him*?

1. Zarine has cracked the mystery. She is Nancy Drew!
2. And Karan? Hardy Boy? He’s hard only.
3. How badly do you want to be an actress that you agree to do this?

1. Lyrical genius, my God! – “Kissing is killer… love bite na ban jaye…”
2. It’s weird to see KSG dance. Like, why aren’t you on top of someone, dude?
3. “Koi to raasta hoga?” – Daisy Shah on-screen // Daisy Shah off-screen about her career.
4. WHAT. IS. HAPPENING?
5. Ab Daisy KSG ke sath groupism karegi, dekhna!
6. But imagine? Daisy started with Salman Khan and then moved onto these boys.
7. Who is this Uncle, bro? I need to know!
8. Only the girls in the movie know what’s up.
9. “Beauty and brains – you must be very dangerous.” How do you say this to someone with a straight face, Karan? He might be a better actor than we thought.
10. Omg. KSG keeps using “business” as euphemism  for sex.
11. I love this Uncle.
12. Only penis jokes. This movie is a giant dildo.
13. Plot twist – Sharman is the bad guy!
14. Nahin dude, red herring hai: Karan has the bad guy smirk.
15. So if your sister committed suicide instead of breaking up with the guy, the guy is your sister’s murderer? Wow. Much logic.
16. What if it’s a fake story?
17. It’s not a fake story, it’s a hate story!
18. Bro, this Daisy is really easy to turn on.
19. Um. I’m going to offer you my body because your sister died? Much logic.
20. I LOVE THIS SONG!

1. Daisy is hot, man!
2. Full Ram Gopal Verma camera angles..
3. Can you believe how much has already happened in the film?
4. WHAT?! She slept with some rando because her boss told her to? Employee of the year!
5. Duh! Your package includes salary, free stay and sex.
6. Daisy is swimming in the pool literally at all times. She lost all the Jai Ho weight like this only.

1. Watch me dip, watch me yay yay!

1. “Why don’t you clear out the misunderstanding?” – Zarine. She is the only voice of reason in this film. But Sharman’s  being all ‘Naaah! Conversation is for losers!’
2. The IT guy has a role to play? What a fun office.
3. TECHNOLOGY FAIL! BECAUSE DATA IS NOT STORED ON THE SIM! ONLY STORED ON THE MEMORY CARD! AND IPHONES DON’T USE EXTERNAL MEMORY CARDS!
4. Wasn’t there a weird phone data-transfer sex scene in Hate Story 1 also?
5. So KSG’s sister’s death story was a lie?  Shocker!
6. Why can’t Sharman say “f*cking”? Why does he say “f*ckin”?
7. Daisy is a junkie? This explains so much!
8. This Uncle though… He has maximum screen time.
9. KSG just told Daisy “You should’ve been an actor.” He must have touched a nerve there.
10. Karan-Daisy > Sharman-Zarine. #OTP
11. SHE DIED?!
12. This Uncle didn’t even bother throwing the dead body in the water. He is James Bond. Daniel Craig, aap bags pack karlo apne.
13. What the hell is “Mr. Public Prosecutor”? Hahahaha
14. Sharman is crying because he was in 3 idiots and Rang De Basanti once upon a time. #StartedFromTheTopNowWeHere
15. Ooooh… my favourite song.

1. How can you tell your husband – who is in jail – that you slept with his dushman as soon as he went to jail?
2. Why would you dress up to sleep with someone that you don’t want to sleep with?
3. Bro. To escape sex, Zarine’s gone into the bedroom with sex lights. Claps!
4. You don’t ride someone like that against your will.
5. Guys, is this a rape song?
6. Zarine is here for the free wine. Happy hours hai yeh gaanaa!
7. I could’ve gone my whole life without seeing KSG’s sex face.

1. PRIYANSHU CHATTERJEE!!!

1. I don’t even care about the movie anymore. Priyanshu Chatterjee, guys! Tum bin jiya jaaye kaise?
2. Priyanshu came back as KSG!? This is better than Laddu growing up to be Hrithik Roshan!
3. Twist pe twist – Abbas-Mastan have ghost directed this film.

1. Come to my bedroom and show me “proof” of your love. Sharman is a psycho, basically?
2. How has the bomb cleared airport security? HOW?
3. “Aditya you’re scaring me now” – Zarine.
   Erm. He choked you. Killed his own brother. Told you to prove your love by sleeping with him. Got his secretary to sleep with a rando. But NOW he’s scaring you.
4. Vaswani ji has died without knowing his exact job-profile.
5. All the sex scenes are over, you guys!
6. Sharman or KSG – I don’t even understand who to root for…
7. I rooted for Daisy Shah. Look what happened to her.
8. I think Zarine will sleep with whoever survives. She’s probably doing kegel exercises right now.
9. Best.Climax.Ever.
10. Best.Movie.Ever.
11. So this movie is not a hate story. It’s a love story between Priyanshu and Karan?
12. This is going to make so much more money than Angry Indian Goddesses.
13. They aren’t blood brothers… they’re liver brothers!
14. Character on-screen: “Rishte khoon ke nahin hote hai…” // Random dude in the theatre: “Liver ke hote hai!” #Overheard
15. We have to take selfies with the poster outside!

Hate Story 3

Hate Story 3

1. WHO WAS THAT UNCLE?

Rating: We can’t even!