Our parents are liars. Alright, they might be great people but they have lied to us about many, MANY things! Most of the time, they filled our heads with lies about where babies come from. I don’t know what it is – the awkwardness, the technicalities… the laziness? Whatever it is, in honor of Children’s Day, here are the 10 biggest lies our parents told us about baby-making!
1) “Babies fall from the sky into a tree which keeps them safe until we find them.”
It’s like a treasure hunt. The winning parents get the smartest kid. Clearly my parents didn’t look hard enough.
2) “An angel dropped you off outside our doorstep.”
This one is clearly the most common lie parents tell. I mean EVERYONE I know has been fed this baby-making nonsense by their parents. Do expecting parents have a secret conference where they decide this is what they’re going to tell their pesky kids when they ask uncomfortable questions? I’m sure they do!
3) “You can get pregnant by kissing a boy.”
Imagine the population explosion if this one were true! Also, my heart goes out to little 11 year olds who might have kissed and then spent the entire day wondering whether they’re pregnant or not (I’m talking about my generation, not the kids today who can teach sex education better than their parents).
4) “Babies come from the Internet, and I’m afraid the little sister you asked for is on back-order.”
This is something I’ll tell my kids, once I’m done blocking Google on my computer. Actually I don’t think I’ll have Internet at home if there are babies at home. God knows what they’re surfing these days.
5) “Babies are made out of ‘love’.”
Yes, unprotected sex, too much alcohol and broken ‘protection’ definitely don’t result in babies. This lie was so convincing that my colleague Sheefa (from Team MissMalini) actually believed that babies are made out of love. Don’t get me wrong though, I truly believe babies are often conceived when true love is involved, but that is definitely not the ONLY reason!
6) “Babies come out of your mother’s butt”
Adam Sandler‘s character in Grown Ups (or Grown Ups 2 for that matter) convinces his child that he has come out of his mother’s bottom. Gross. Very, very gross.
7) “God makes babies and puts them in our mother’s belly.”
Yea, GOD makes them, our fathers have nothing to do with this right?
8) “We buy babies at the baby store.”
I have a feeling I was given to my parents at an extremely discounted price. Now I know why Joey was convinced that Rachel‘s boss was trying to buy her baby!
9) “We found you in a cabbage patch.”
Why were you in a cabbage patch? What was I doing in a cabbage patch? What does this even mean?
10) “We picked you up from the hospital.”
Yea, I’m sure we were all wrapped up in hospitals and kept on display….
Wait! What???!
Now be nice and tell me the lies your parents have told you!