We all know when we go in to watch a Hindi film that we’ll have to suspend disbelief to some degree, because Bollywood has always taken certain liberties for the sake of entertainment. However, there are a few things that, for some reason, filmmakers are not willing to let go of at all. These are the myths that Bollywood continues to propagate film after film, with no end in sight. In some cases, we wish these were real, while in others we’re very glad they aren’t. Here are ten crazy things that Hindi films would like you to believe!
1. Stalking = love
For some reason, Bollywood continues to insist that creepy = romantic, and if the hero pursues the heroine long enough, she will finally give in and fall in love with him. For those who have experienced it, though, stalking can be a real, scary problem – and nothing close to flattery.
2. 40-year-old men can pass off as college students
40-year-old men can also feel free to romance women half their age. But never, ever should the opposite happen *gasp!*
3. All daydreams are magical
I don’t know about you, but I want whatever these Bollywood characters are smoking that makes their daydreams so vibrant. I pride myself on a rather active imagination, but even the most fantastical of my daydreams aren’t so vivid that I find myself dancing in a magical land (while wearing a pretty sari) with the man of my dreams. And I sure as hell can’t spontaneously come up with a love song.
4. The laws of physics don’t apply if you’re a hero
It does not matter if you have a dozen huge, burly men coming at you with every possible form of weapon in their hands in a curiously small open-top jeep. You’re the hero, damnit, and you can singlehandedly accomplish impossible physical feats to take them all out.
5. Guns don’t run out of bullets
I mean, you’re the hero so you don’t really need guns – your fists-made-of-iron are enough. But if you do happen to have a pistol, lucky you – because Bollywood guns are magical instruments that never run out of bullets, no matter how indiscriminately you shoot. There’s a good chance you probably have ridiculously good aim and are immune to bullets yourself.
6. It’s totally normal to stop a wedding
According to Bollywood, the most convenient time to swoop in and get the girl is on her wedding day. Nay, not just on her wedding day, but when she’s already decked out in her bridal wear, on the mandap, and just about ready to take the pheras. Whereas in real life, if you tried to pull a “Nahin! Yeh shaadi nahin ho sakti!” type scene, you’ll just get savagely beaten by angry relatives and black-listed from any other weddings on the Indian sub-continent. Oh, and you’ll probably be a laughing stock for the rest of your life… and horribly alone.
7. Everyone will know the moves to the song you just made up
I mean, have these people never tried planning a Sangeet? It’s practically impossible to get everyone doing the same moves at the same time even after days of practice. But somehow, if you’re professing your love to each other on the streets (of an exotic foreign country), everyone around you will spontaneously break out into the exact same dance move. It’s amazing how quickly the Swiss can pick the matka-jhatka.
8. Love at first sight
Who came up with this concept?! Love takes time, so this doesn’t exist. In most cases, “love at first sight” just translates to “I don’t have enough screentime/energy/creativity to create and develop a proper story arc for the relationship between these two strangers, so I’m just going to say they fell in love with each other from the very first glance. Oh, and I’ll probably throw in a song. In Tahiti. With dancing elephants. That should convince everyone.”
9. The average Indian lives in a sprawling mansion and drives a mercedes
Man, I want to live in the world where an ordinary, working, middle-class Indian girl is able to afford a swanky Mercedes Benz and practically has a mini-gymnasium complete with antique swinging bench in her bedroom. I’ll even settle for the ultra soundproof 2,000 sq. ft. furnished pool house where I can sneak in my quirky friends and parents magically don’t exist.
10. Grand romances are a thing
This one is probably the worst of them all, because all those Bollywood movies over the years have convinced you that your soulmate is just around the corner, and you will live happily ever after once you find them. Even though you’re likely to fall in love, chances are that it’s not going to look anything like the movies say. And that is why Bollywood has ruined your love life.